Fading

It’s cold so cold as I run to my car

I thought I’d be warm in your home

But you didn’t come to the door

I don’t see your car but I know you’re not far

I wish I could tell you what you want to hear

And I know I’m just fulfilling your greatest fears

But I need to tell you I need to say

All the things on my mind

And I wish I could turn back the hands of time

To start all over, do it better

Make a future for you and me

But it’s not in the cards

It’s not in my heart

WE are slowly dying and

ME I’ve come to terms with that

You need to open your eyes

I don’t want to anymore so,

Let’s live today like it’s our last

And pretend our loves not fading fast

Enjoy today hope for tomorrow

For once it ends let’s not be filled with sorrow

Because I loved you

You loved me

But baby it’s time to be free

Stepping Down

Tears oh tears rolling down my face

Wiping away all traces of the kisses left there

My steps slowly echoing as I walk down the stairs

Too many times I’ve hesitated and ran right back into your arms

This time I will run right into harm

I’m saying goodbye to the old me

Not listening to what you told me

But following my feet carrying me away

I’m going down these steps

Leaving the pedestal you put us on

I have no interest in being who you want me to be

I only want what seems to be REAL

Not a stretch of faith

Not a place where I can only hate, you

Hate you for making me unhappy

I know this is all to sappy

But I gotta live for me

I wanna live to be free

No rules only guidelines

Since you are so big on Jesus

Let me tell you a few of his words

Matthew 9:13 “I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.”

Fire

The wind blowing outside my window

Holds the slightest traces of embers

The scent of smoke is slowly leaving the air

The cold is making my skin tingle

But I can barely feel anything anymore

Footsteps echoing behind me as I move from this place

I’ll make sure not to leave a trace

Fire, fire burning down my memories

Consuming all things that remind me of you

I never told but I hated those trinkets

Not my style you weren’t thinking of me

Rise up rise flames of amnesia

Help me forget this pain deep within my heart

Help me ease and help me restart

Fire, fire how you burn

All you’ve taught and all I’ve learned

Quick Start

Before anyone I know sees these posts and starts bugging me about is this really going on in your life?! Shinanigans These poems may be true at some point, but most of them are exaggerations and dramatizations of what's really going on with me, so please if ya don't know what's real and what's not call me and ask me don't assume its all real and start gossiping about something you're not sure of

No Good Man

He’s a no good man

He’s gonna break my heart

I know it all too well

But I couldn’t help myself

He’s a no good man

Holding me in his gaze

Knowing I can’t escape

From this feeling in my heart

He’s a no good man

I see the passion in his eyes

And soon I realize

He’s a no good man

I want this man

Want him to myself

To me and on one else

He’s a no good man

I want him to look at me with those eyes

The ones I once denied

He’s a no good man

And I’m a naïve selfish girl…

I'll Let You

The sun sets

And our eyes met

I knew you wanted me

But what did I want from you

A few libations

And soon the vibrations of my body which I couldn’t stop

What will happen when I wake up

When I realize what we did

In the first round

I knocked you down

Scared of myself

I felt like somebody else

You left me be

And I thought I was free

When I realized

You brought out the

Secret me

Everything slowed down

And what I know now

Is I want to lose

Next time I’ll let you 

Distance

Dawn is breaking

And I hear you making, us breakfast

But do you know I’m crying

That I feel like I’m dying

Drowning in your love

A love I’m not sure I deserve

Cuz I once loved you

But I think it’s through

I don’t want to be here anymore

You’re on the other side of that door

But in this house I feel alone

Yet to you my feelings are unknown

Can you hear it in my voice

Can you see it in my eyes

Through our many tries I’m ready to break down

I’m ready to skip town

I don’t really want to see you for a while

Even if it only a single mile

I want to distance myself

From you…

No Longer You

Can you heart it

The tremble in my voice

Telling you I love you

I had no choice

You’re my best friend

You’re my brother

But no longer can I be your lover

We were one and the same

Playing each other’s game

But I’m tired of slowing myself down

Stop staring at me

Stop glaring at me like that

It won’t change the fact

I love you I do

But it’s almost time

I think we’re through

For you there’s only me

But for me it’s no longer you

No Longer You

Can you hear it

The tremble in my voice

Telling you I love you

I had no choice

You’re my best friend

You’re my brother

But no longer can I be your lover

We were one and the same

Playing each other’s game

But I’m tired of slowing myself down

Stop staring at me

Stop glaring at me like that

It won’t change the fact

I love you I do

But it’s almost time

I think we’re through

For you there’s only me

But for me it’s no longer you

Sunday Morning

Sunday morning my heart is warning me

Don’t go your face will let everyone know

What’s on your mind

I’m tired I’m sleepy

Cranky and angry

Why do I do this to myself

Strike me by lightning I shouldn’t be here

Praising the Lord

While sinful thoughts appear

Holding my boyfriend’s hand

But there’s only one person I can look at

And it’s him… 

Cruel Heart

How cruel the heart can be

When it’s the one governing me

It tells me I’m wrong yet right

I’m almost always in a fight with it

My heart and my head

Will you please get along

My thoughts and feelings

Won’t let go

A fight within myself

And I’m reaching out for help

But everyone’s answers are not for me

Which is making it clearer who I want to be

I’m not who you think

I’m not who I say

I’m just a girl who wants to play

Unrest

Dawn treading at the edge of my mind

Fear creeping in from behind... me

I can’t see anything there

All I can feel is someone's death stare

Peace does not come for thine weary

Nor does it seek out the strong

Peace is elusive and slippery at best

So where does that leave us of the rest?

What’s Worth Fighting For?

A sweet kiss drowned in misunderstandings

Tears upon our lips full of frustration

All these things further our love

People look down upon fights or quarrels

But the only relationships without these

Are the ones not worth keeping

So I will fight you tooth and nail

Just so you know how much you mean to me

I will yell I will cry

Because you are the only thing left in my life

Which is REAL

Deepening Relations

Dew drops Shining upon the leaves

Trickling down every fine line

I claim you as mine

And I as yours

But how many horrors of the heart have endured

How many temptations have lured us apart?

The greater the sin

The deeper the scars

The farther I am yours

Greatest Crime

You call upon my heart asking it to love you

But you forget the things it wants

I want affection, and consideration

And sometimes I get both

Other times I get neither

And that’s okay

But what I cannot forgive

Is you forgetting something I truly desire

Being left out being left behind

All this does is prove you’re not mine

If I am yours but you not mine

Then things are really not fine

The one thing I wanted to do with you

You did with them

Am I supposed to say that’s great, that’s good for you

When all I wanted was to do it too

It may seem small it may seem dumb

But its only because you’re the only one

I wanted to do this with

(I’m talking about baptizing)